GIRLS JUST WANNA HAVE BLOOD **** USA 2019 Dir: Anthony Catanese. 96 mins

Do vampires really have this much bloodsucking fun?

If yes is the answer then this crazy comic sexy teen romp from Wild Eye Releasing will make you wonder, just like the main star Jess, if it really is worth being one. Jess is a bullied, run of the mill teen who is just so fed up of her crap existence looking after her baby brother and quaintly selfish and hilariously un-escort like alcoholic mum (played well and with great humour by Bettina Skye).

So Jess decides to take the plunge and get her revenge on her oppressed lifestyle when she meets the likely trio called ‘The Three Bimbos’ who decide ‘to help her out’ of her mire in the only way that vampires can in a movie that is a well shot and contextual dark comic caper of bloodlust and entertainment. There is loads of classic, but not inappropriate, typical brash and vulgar US humour here that will make you scream with laughter as the vampire girls seek out their victims to satiate their individual blood curses while the madcap vampire hunter by the name of Boris Von Yelsing (Craig Kelly is also great here) is hot on their trail. Craig’s East European accent lends so much humour to the part.

The film becomes a very good and zany retelling of all the standard vampire myths that I have come across. These girls just want their blood fix and don’t care how they get it as I was led from one crazy romp to another so that at one point I felt like I almost wanted to try their special drinks myself. The whole was aided enormously by a great rock score background by Drew Rizzo that hurtled me through some awesome classic vampire comedy anarchy that had some pretty neat FX thrown into the mix for good measure.

As the plot gets more involved towards the end, Jess realises that something might not be quite right as they take on a hilariously OTT gang of hairy bikers who just don’t believe in any of that nonsense in a hilarious and horrific bloody blast of evil.

Girls Just Wanna Have Blood is a well written and directed spoof that is both fun and deep in parts and it is ultimately designed for your blood soaked entertainment and vamp thrills. You will want to see if Von Yelsing can make the non-believers believe and break the curse that has full control of Jess and you will be left not knowing whether to love or hate these three malevolent and blood crazed bimbos and that is the film’s dark beauty.

Review by Nathan Sandiford


Author: Peter 'Witchfinder' Hopkins

Founder and Editor in Chief of Horror Screams Video Vault

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