NOTHING SACRED * USA 2015 Dir: Dylan Bank, Morgan Pehme. 90 mins
Midwife intervention spares the life of twins marked for death by the powerful sorcerer, Chambers (William Sadler), who sired them. Chambers is acting on a prophecy that forecasts his demise at the hands of his own prolific offspring. Meanwhile said twins – Delilah (Naama Kates) and Blue (Nathan Barnes Netherton) – head off on their own globe-trotting mission to avenge their mom’s (Debbie Rochon, wasted) death and track down Chambers, whose God complex could spell doom for all of us. Or something. Shot in English, French and Muskogee in an array of locations (including the Arc De Triomphe!) and set to an intrusively melodramatic score, this wildly ambitious, indescribably dull fantasy is torpedoed by a laborious pace and excruciating explanatory narration. The often incoherent plot incorporates a minotaur on an Indian reservation, surrealistic visions, the Autumn equinox, a Belgian antique dealer named after the shite delivery company Hermes (!) and a sub plot in which Blue becomes a real estate agent (!!). It’s over-plotted to say the least, though occasionally the po-faced dialogue generates unintended laughs: down a few shots (you’ll need them) when you hear the line “I can’t trade the horn!” Eventually, William Sadler shows up to bring some screen presence and class to the proceedings – only an actor of his stature could emerge from Chambers’ godawful monologues with dignity intact. The only other bright spot is the beautiful Naama Kates, who looks a little like a young Uma Thurman, gets an entirely gratuitous nude bathing scene and is dressed as Little Red Riding Hood for no apparent reason during the final stretches.
Review by Steven West