Tuesday, 1 March 2016

DICKSHARK ** U.S.A. 2016 144 mins Dir : Bill Zebub


It must be hard for Bill Zebub to work on his films with scantily dressed women walking around, but he suffers for his art so we must too. From the beginning of 'DICKSHARK' you just know it isn't going to be played straight as we see a romantic couple trying to get it on. Unfortunately for the lady involved her partner has decided he wants to please her more by using some penis enlargement cream which doesn't go well. His once small pecker has now become a 'DICKSHARK' and he can not please her with that monstrosity. So off he goes to try and sort it out, the 'DICKSHARK' bites off his finger and the woman decides the best way to help him is to shoot him in the groin, tough love some would say. The once under developed penis now known as 'DICKSHARK' ends up in the toilet only to be flushed away in to the water supply. We then get to enjoy the comedic ramblings of the mad man Bill Zebub talking to the visually delicious Erin Brown (a.k.a. Misty Mundae) about his experiments.
Now his experiment you seen earlier, the 'DICKSHARK' which was born from the use of his experimental penis enlargement cream, so we shall not go in to that any more. To set the tone of the film you have to get to the 10 minute mark where Bill Zebub's character explains that "he is not an ageing movie director who only cops a feel by paying models to be in his movies and who writes parts for himself that have him making out and groping them. Nor would I make clunky dialogue more palatable to viewers by having a hot woman half naked on the screen while my character whacks his poetic". Just from that if you couldn't tell from the title itself this film (nor it's director) takes things too seriously. We won't go into too much detail but beautiful women get raped by a giant tarantula and by the 'DICKSHARK' in slow motion (time filler, or visual delights you decide). One of the actresses ends up with a mouthful of 'DICKSHARK' semen, there is another scientist trying to kill off Bill Zebub to get hold of his experiment and lots of political, scientific and other ramblings happen throughout the 2 hour and 24 minutes of Bill Zebub madness. Well if that doesn't sound exciting there is the soundtrack provided by several heavy metal acts. Oh and did I mention there is a fair few women half naked in lingerie throughout the film. Is this Bill Zebub's way of seducing us to listen to his verbal onslaughts? If you want a film to put on to have a few chuckles and possibly entertain your friends 'DICKSHARK' is the one to go for. If you have never seen a Bill Zebub film this maybe a bit long to test your wits so try one of his other movies first and if you can handle them then come back and enjoy yourself some 'DICKSHARK'.

Review by Peter 'Witchfinder' Hopkins


To check out more of Bill Zebub's films visit his website: http://billzebub.com/


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